the precious 'M'

it distracts me having to witness my brother buying all these branded clothes, gadgets, shoes..not just shoes.. shoes for class, shoes for night prep class, shoes for school events, shoes for outing, shoes for futsal, shoes for soccer, shoes for tennis, shoes for sports(eh..? aren't tennis, soccer n futsal are sports.?) and the list continues.. plus i have two brother, double the money..and you bet its not just any brand.. (addictive brand concious)..they never realised we're now categorised as poor and must spend more thrifty.
maybe i'm being too wary.. but no its not. i know its not jealousy its deeper than that. they never understand the value of money. they don't understand the difficulty of my parents earning money. its obvious that my parents are not discerning people. well, i wont be worrying if my dad is working and earning. Unfortunately now his not.
they've been wasting money the same way like i wasted my time (bad example).

if this was Ringgit Malaysia, I would probably cry by now..

I've been anticipating, where the hell the money came from..
the times when my dad was still working, my parents always ranted about money, and sometimes led to a quarrel and 'the kids' were the victims, don't misunderstood. not by means of abuse. just pep talks. adult talks.  "you cannot buy this, not enough money...., don't waste money, bring your lunchpack, no need to buy from the canteen."... during those days, the paddle pop vendor would come around our street with its 'lovely' tune, paddle pop2x..la.la.la.., seducing people to buy ice cream, and you guess it right, ayah told us, cannot buy, save money.. huh.. i felt like screaming to the to ice cream vendor.. "f*ck u mister for rounding at my street, go elsewhere.."
In present, I can say that my younger siblings are enjoying things that me and my sister missed during our 'decades'.. in our school days, even our schoolbag were sponsored not bought..(jenama apa2 ntah).

btw, today I had my tution and my mum drove me to the lrt station..a weekly routine perhaps..on the way there we halt in front of a red traffic light. our eyes were captivated by an old makcik sweeping the  pavement. and my mum started a conversation..

mum: tgk itula yg jd kat mi klu tua nnt, anak2 taknak bg duit...
me: hmmmm...*silent*
mum: dah tua nnt siapa yg nk bagi keje, tu je la org tua blh buat utk hidup..
me: *silent*
mum: esk klu korang senang igt la blk brape byk duit mi kluarkan utk korang, tak ternilai..
me: *a long silent*
mum: dgr tak mi ckp apa ni, blaja elok2.. jgn sia2 kan duit..
me: * a long  long silent*

haha.. well.i'm cluelesss. i dnt know what to say. what if i did not become a 'somebody'..huh.. i didn't have the guts to spout.. i know it'll break one parents heart if they know that their child chose to fail..

back to our dilemma. money..
frankly speaking i admire how my parents organise their account. they have a rigid economy planning.. take a moment and think..my father retired at the age of 45..he worked in a private firm, no pension, my mum is a full time housewife. I have 5 siblings. and worst my brother(and I) are draining the money out. but until now, the money reproduce, and their savings lives on...they can still afford the living.we live in a suburb. I don't know how they do it..but I'll understand it one day... Alhamdulillah. Praise to Allah..He took one thing from you and return back gifts that you never realised. hmmmmm....
i've conjure up a scenario of me being a writer... "the art of recycling money" by khairah akarim... coool eh..
my economy teacher was right. a way to make money is money..

p/s: I would like to say something to U.. gunung kalau ditarah hari-hari akhirnya rata juga.*read in the most delicate way*